Unstructured Ramblings Of A Reformed Poet

   When I was a teenager, I had this stringent list of what my ideal man should be: handsome, well-off, caring, understanding, God-fearing, intelligent – I could have gone on and on then about what qualities my partner should have. However, as I grew older, I realized that I could never really find a real person who met all these sterling qualities.

I began building my-ideal-man-list at age 20 and recently I made a revised version, while I was doing that I decided to make a sample list of what it would look like as my age increases.

“MY IDEAL MAN CHECKLIST”

WHAT I WANT IN A MAN, ORIGINAL LIST (AGE 20):

WHAT I WANT IN A MAN, REVISED LIST (AGE 24):

1.Nice looking (prefer hair on his head)
2. Loves God
3. Has enough money to survive
4. Listens , but talks when I have little to say
5. Laughs at my silly jokes
6. Imaginative and has a goal in life
7. Looks good in anything he wears
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10. Seeks romance more than once in a week.

WHAT I WANT IN A MAN, ASSUMED LIST(AGE 30):

WHAT I WANT IN A MAN, ASSUMED LIST (AGE 40):

1. Not too ugly (bald head OK)
2. Loves God
3. Splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I’m talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of my silly jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows what to buy in a grocery shop

9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Still wants to watch Movies with me

WHAT I WANT IN A MAN, ASSUMED LIST (AGE 50):

1. Keeps neat hair (Unless bald)
2. Loves God
3. Doesn’t belch or scratch in public
4. Doesn’t nod off to sleep when I’m venting
5. Doesn’t re-tell the same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
7. Usually wears underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers my name on occasion
10. Shaves his beard sometimes

WHAT I WANT IN A MAN, ASSUMED LIST (AGE 60):

1. Doesn’t scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Remembers who God is
4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he’s laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it’s the weekend.

WHAT I WANT IN A MAN, ASSUMED LIST (AGE 70):

1. Breathing
2. Doesn’t miss the toilet!

     As funny as this might be, it is true” as you grow older, your original list of ‘requirements’ for an ideal man are revised. Now, all I am looking for in an ideal man is one who can be both a best friend and a partner in life, and someone who will love me as unconditionally as I love him. And what about you? What’s your perfect checklist?

 But the moment you learn to walk towards the light at the end of the tunnel, from that very moment you begin to create your own happiness.

Tell me how many women shall their dreams come to past
Tell me how many movies turn out real
There are so many questions
Questions how hard to ask
So you can understand exactly how I feel

Tell me how many people wish they were someone else
Someone that think the world wants them to be
Tell me how many babies will be born just to die
Leaving me with these questions
Asking why

Tell me how the trees whisper
How the birds learn to sing
And how does the rainbow stay the same
How the bees make their honey
How do they learn to sting
Can a broken heart get back to heal

How do people get so busy they dont find time to love
What's the truth behind why people go to war
Why is it so many religions yet there's so little to love
Will I ever get to know the truth some day

When the youth's gonna dare - where's the elder who really cares
Why do people believe things they know arent true
When you look into the mirror who do you see
Why do we have to grow to be wise

More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmania.com/questions_lyrics_asa.html
All about Asa: http://www.musictory.com/music/Asa

  Recently I heard Patty Smyth’s song, “Sometimes Love Just Ain’t Enough” and it’s one of the most common problems in relationships around me. I hear people all the time are still together because they’re in love but for all the wrong reasons. It’s hard to let someone go because the feelings are so strong that it seems impossible to let go,  but in relationships  love is not the only component. I think it’s a huge reason why so many people get divorced because all the other components are unstable and uncertain. Before I get into any relationships I always ask myself do I have common interests, values and support beyond love with this person? Because if we do, I believe we have a greater likelihood of a long-term relationship and connectivity than if we have love alone.

  When I was young (small-young, not just younger-than-now), I remember encountering this same statement  “sometimes, love isn’t enough.” And being young, I thought this was a very stupid thing to say. After all, “love” was supposed to be a very important thing and I couldn’t see how it could fall short. This was that period in my life when I was reminded from time to time that I love my brother, even when I was pretty sure I didn’t because he  broke that really cool Lego part with the funky angle bit. And if love was stronger than Lego-rage, then how could it ever not be enough? The truth is If love was the only requirement for relationship survival, divorce rate would be near 0%. In fact, if only love was needed to sustain a long-term relationship, couples would never have arguments. Facing the truth, sometimes Love isn’t just enough.

Relationships are hard. They take work. In essence, you should not only love the person you're with, but also be willing to meet them halfway on sacrifices and compromises, and all of those other things that are needed for optimal relationship survival.

Does love conquer all?

I don’t know.

Does love heal?

I don’t know.

But I am certain that love helps, especially when you find the person who is the missing piece to your puzzle.

I’ve dreamed of the man I’d want to be with forever: 

Strong, smart, kind, tender and romantic.

But you know what? I got better.

My groom loved me before I even met him,
committing himself to me on that special memorable day

When they drilled a nine inches nail down his hands

Savoring the pungent smell of Sour Vinegar

He didn’t know I would say I do,

But he kept saying I love you
Seeing we are two halves of the same soul,
happily bound together by a united, everlasting love.

A love worth dying for…

He said he would come back for me
He wrote 66 books to me, just for me

66 books with priceless love notes

Whispering to me that the best is yet to come--
Beautiful tomorrows filled with even more happiness

An unending source of indescribable pleasure.

Yes, Pleasure

How then can I trade that for persistent lies?

Lies from tempting suitors, offering nothing for something

Talking of how the love of my life may never come back

Laughing and ranting about how stupid I look

Seating at the door step in my Spotless white dress

Get this, I look beautiful

Just the way he would like to see me on our wedding day..

I can almost picture it….

Me walking down the golden aisle

Swaying to the melody of angelic voices

As they sing our song..

A perfect wedding

A perfect Groom

A Bride fit for a King

   I love Bob Marley, but who doesn’t anyway, it’s over 30 years after his death and it’s still hard to find anyone with even the most casual passing knowledge of music who doesn't know who Marley is. He's an international icon. I remember watching this video of him playing with his back to the crowd. The band carried him for the most part, though he did a stirring rendition of Redemption Song; only to find out  that he was sick - diagnosed with cancer just the day before that performance. Such a pity! 

I love bob's songs. No woman no cry and I shot the sheriff is one of my Favorite.

When I was younger I never really understood what the song “I shot the Sheriff” meant but now I’m going to try to break down the way I understand it. The beauty of this song is that the lyrics can be looked at it many different ways, and can also be interpreted differently depending on the person who is interpreting it.

The song, like many Bob Marley’s songs is about Injustice. I doubt this song is entirely about cannabis as a lot of people think. I'm sorry to be really annoying, but Bob Marley was about MUCH MORE than just marijuana. It drives me nuts when people think he was some sort of drug legalization crusader.  We are talking about a man that received recognition from the UN for moving peace in Africa and fighting for the rights of all people.  Anyway, not every word of the song should be taken literally. To me, this song is referring to the blatant injustice that went/goes on in the world. The entire shooting of sheriff brown is a representation of the corruption in the police force/government, especially against minorities. Sheriff Brown had been trying to kill him, so he had to defend himself, but in the end was convicted of murder of the Deputy too - blatant injustice. I think the name John Brown is an ambiguous name, I don't think he is/was a real person. It just represents the prejudice of the government at the time of the release of the song. Remember, Marley's stuff was very political and social in nature. That’s just my opinion anyway.

PS: Eric Clapton's version is good, but Bob Marley's original goes straight for the heart and gut.

I shot the sheriff, but I did not shoot the deputy.
I shot the sheriff, but I did not shoot the deputy.

All around in my home town
they’re trying to track me down.
They say they want to bring me in guilty
For the killing of a deputy,
For the life of a deputy.
But I say:

I shot the sheriff, but I swear it was in self-defense.
I shot the sheriff, and they say it is a capital offense.

Sheriff John Brown always hated me;
For what I don't know.
Every time that I plant a seed
He said, "Kill it before it grows."
He said, "Kill it before it grows."
I say:

I shot the sheriff, but I swear it was in self-defense.
I shot the sheriff, but I swear it was in self-defense.

Freedom came my way one day
And I started out of town.
All of a sudden I see sheriff John Brown
Aiming to shoot me down.
So I shot, I shot him down.
I say:

I shot the sheriff, but I did not shoot the deputy.
I shot the sheriff, but I did not shoot the deputy.

Reflexes got the better of me
And what is to be must be.
Every day the bucket goes to the well,
But one day the bottom will drop out,
Yes, one day the bottom will drop out.
But I say:

I shot the sheriff, but I did not shoot the deputy, oh no.
I shot the sheriff, but I did not shoot the deputy, oh no.

Let’s paint a scenario together, perhaps you were with a boyfriend/girlfriend discussing something and along the line he/she gave you certain information. So few weeks later he/she comes up to you and tells you something different that is very contradictory to what they said earlier, fortunately you are the one with the good memory. There and then you realize that your bf/gf is lying to you, that is because you feel this great thug in your heart telling you something is wrong, but you are not too sure what is it. The First question is- Could it be your instincts telling you they are lying or can it be the fact that you knew for sure they were lying based on a solid fact? Second question- If you definitely think it’s your instincts working here, what do you do, trust it?  Now you see why I said English is complicated...lol silly me that definitely has nothing to do with English :)

  I strolled aimlessly at the train station. It was very obvious that my nerves were getting the best of me; I was busy twisting my middle finger like I always did when my nerve failed me.  ‘Ok, twenty more minutes’ I thought, focusing my gaze on the two elderly couples looking for a seat prior to their train departure. Aww, so cute I silently murmured. My mind was drifting away from them…was drifting to two weeks ago…

Few hours later, I was nervous to open the email blinking before my eyes, perhaps it was the fear of what was written inside or probably because I felt cheesy for sending the message and now I’ve gotten a reply and I couldn’t even get myself to open it.

 Finally I did.

Five Words changed everything. “Yes, we can be friends”

  It was the sound of the little boy screaming for some candy that knocked me back to the moment. I smiled sheepishly at how I wondered off again to my own very world. The two couples were no longer there. I checked my time and I had actually gone to memory land for about ten minutes.

 ‘You are so freaking weird’ I said to myself.

  We were busy sipping coffee and laughing at how stupid the movie was.

It felt like home.

No it was home.

   I leaned against him, my head on his solid chest as he wrapped his arms around me.  I felt safe and secured. I knew at that moment that we were meant to be. Things had gone so fast from the moment we met. The chemistry was undeniable, it was very clear that we both wanted to be in a relationship with one another. Throwing caution to the wind, we took a bold step together. Things were right, so right that it felt like fantasy. I don’t believe in fairy tales but I was having one of my own. My very own ‘Cinderella story’. I looked up to stare into the eyes of my prince; I could see all the care in there.

“Will you be mine?” He whispered

 I smiled “I’ve always been yours”

He lowered his head to meet mine. I knew it was the magical kiss….I didn’t have to kiss many frogs to meet my prince...

I shut my eyes awaiting the feel of his lips against mine….

  My alarm beeped repeatedly, jolting me out of the best moment of my life. How could it be a dream? No way. I tightly shut my eyes hoping it will all come back again.

‘God, this is what I want’ I prayed silently.

   So yesterday I was reading about how a young girl was being molested by her father, it kind of brought tears to my eyes. Why do people have such evil in them? A 45 yr old man, molesting his 5yr old daughter? Where is the world going? Why would anyone want to prey on the innocence of a child? So many lingering questions with no meaningful answers. Some pervy molester once said – Children are seductive. Total Bullshit! It's just another way of trying to excuse his behavior and pass on the blame to the child. Sex offenders exploit a child's curiosity and his need for affection, and then blame the child! This is absolutely pathetic.

   Children Sexual abuse happens every single day and in different ways, just because we don’t see them does not mean they don’t. Some children are abused by strangers (rarely), while others (mostly) are abused by someone they know, yeah! People they know. The sad news is majority of molested children are perpetrated by family members, close relatives or people who have close proximity to them. It’s so sad to think that anyone would use physical force, or the threat of force to molest a child not to talk of your own blood and family. Gosh no matter how it occurs or who did it, it is a violation of a Child's body and it can have lasting emotional consequences. 

   It pains my heart when sometimes these children confide in someone; mostly their mum and they actually do not believe them. Children usually get this reaction when they tell their mother about her husband or boyfriend abusing them. This can happen because mothers have conflicting allegiances; they love their children and their mate. It’s hard to believe someone they love could commit such a monstrous act, particularly on their own child. It can become very traumatic. Sometimes, depending on whom, where, etc, the child even loves and protects the perpetrator more. Some children feel "special" about the abuse, as it may be the only attention or physical contact they are getting.

   Ok, I’ve heard enough of the crap-IT ISN'T SEXUAL ABUSE IF THE CHILD CONSENTED. For crying out loud how can a child consent to being abused, this is just absurd. A consenting individual is aware of what they are doing, has an understanding of the consequences, and is free from any manipulation or coercion to choose a certain way. If a person is NOT capable of knowing what they are getting into, how can it be said that consented? If a child is abused again and again, HE/SHE DID NOT CONSENT, AND IT IS STILL ABUSE. The reason is that a child is not a fully sexual being. Children are not supposed to be, a child is not fully aware of sex and all its complexities, and their own sexuality is expected to develop slowly and surely over the course of many years. Some children tend to 'go along' with the abuse in order to ensure that they get through it; but submission does not mean consent. 

   What if a gun is pointed at your head and you're told to rob someone or you get your head blown off, the issue of consent doesn't even enter into it. How can you really make a choice, when one choice offered is death?

  Some people just tend to keep silent on the issue of sexual abuse generally. Children being molested, people being raped and yet we just fold our hands and say to ourselves ‘IT CAN NEVER HAPPEN TO ME’ plainly telling you the truth, yes it can be you! You can be old, young, fat, tall, small, black, white, gay, straight, a cop, a student, whoever, and rape or abuse could still happen to you. Yes it’s all too comfortable to believe that you're immune to being potentially raped or sexually assaulted; in the firm believe that you couldn't be raped because you're too nice, too white or too uptight, which gives you a false sense of security. "I couldn't be raped," because I never go out at night alone." "I couldn't be raped, because I'm a man." "I couldn't be raped".. for any of a number of highly superstitious reasons, but why hide behind the powerful spell of denial. Anybody can be abused. There are never any 100% guarantees for being safe.  Trust your instinct and stay away from people who make your skin crawl or who make you feel unsafe. It's a beautiful world out there, but as you know all too well, it has the potential to be a violent one too, so use your head and stay safe!

To be continued…